Sickipedia

A young man went up to his father and asked him, "Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?" His father said, "I don't know. Are you any good?"

If I put my dead wife's ashes in a loving cup, can I brag about having a trophy wife?

I got kicked out of my local library today. . . Just for moving the McCanns' book, "Madelaine, to the Murder Mysteries section

I think it's silly to pay for haggle prices with a hooker, since you're going to kill her anyway

Go figure. . .

Opie: "Dad, what's the Paris agreement?" Andy: "I don't know son, probably something to do with the French surrendering again. "

Q: Define Taco Bell? A: Mexico's national telephone company Q: Define manual labour. A: Mexico's president

I was standing at the bus stop this morning next to a heavily pregnant woman. I said politely, "When is it due?" She smiled and replied, "Nine days." I said, "Nine days? Fuck that, I'll start walking."

Afriend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was becaues she was still wearing them, or because the rest of the family was there. Either way, it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Trump Cologne: Guaranteed to get you laid; you pour some onto a cloth, & hold it to her face.