Sickipedia

Recent studies by the BMA have been carried out into why women live longer than men. Surveys were carried out to investigate the effect of alcohol, smoking, drug intake (both prescription and illicit), economic circumstances, ethnicity, region of country inhabited. All the information was collated by a supercomputer at the University of Essex and the results provided a damning indictment of modern habits and attitudes. The result showed that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Tips for being a successful adult. There are none. Don’t become an adult. Stay a child forever Peter Pan was right. Unfortunately, Peter Pan never met Jimmy Saville.

Having just read Darker’s post, I am left to wonder which will will be first, Brexit or the resumption of ‘meme posting’. In both cases I think the backstop is the main problem, we all know about the one in Ireland, but the backstop on this site appears to be the administrators themselves. They should stop backing off and leaving things to the moderators whenever there are problems within the site.

Are you going to a party this weekend ? Have you got your clothing sorted ? Already selected the alcohol you will take as a gift ? OK you’re almost ready. Don’t forget you dog ! ? ? ? You know the ladies all love a dog....besides which your dog is a retired police drug sniffer dog, she will help you to make new ‘friends’ at the party.

Speed dating. Him “Well hello sexy” Her “Hello” Him “You don’t seem too enthusiastic” Her “Just get on with it” Him “Are you into well hung black men ?” Her “Not since the 1870s” The end.

Just wondering, how long before UK holiday makers are spotted desperately trying to escape across the Channel, from France, in small boats.

“Hello, 08454647, NHS Helpline, how may I help you ?” “My wife has been bitten by a snake” “Sir, can you describe the snake for me, please” “Well, err, it was pale green with a sort of zig zag pattern on it’s back” “Okay sir, that sounds like an adder, Britain’s only dangerous snake, she will need medical treatment, an ambulance will with you shortly, but there is something you can do to help her” “Yes, anything, just tell me” “Sir, you will have to suck out the venom” “What, I can’t do that” “Sir you have to, she might die if your don’t” “...but....if I suck out the venom there will be nothing left !”

Just noticed Weaverdog’s meme about Noah’s Ark. Are we really expected to believe that two penguins travelled upwards of 3000 leagues across ice, sea and desert purely on the word of a man over 500 years old who thought it was going to rain a bit ? Also, being penguins, they would be unlikely to have a need to be rescued from any wet weather !

Mother and young girl sat in a park. The mother seems unhappy and distant (her marriage is slowly failing) the girl starts asking questions. “Mummy do you love daddy ?” No answer “Mummy does daddy love you ?” Again no answer. “Mummy, daddy says you are an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic ?” At this the mother decides to answer the questions. “Darling, you see those two ducks over there, an alcoholic would see four” “But Mummy, there is only one duck there !”

Happy Caesar Salad Day Everyone.