Sickipedia

Mother and young girl sat in a park. The mother seems unhappy and distant (her marriage is slowly failing) the girl starts asking questions. “Mummy do you love daddy ?” No answer “Mummy does daddy love you ?” Again no answer. “Mummy, daddy says you are an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic ?” At this the mother decides to answer the questions. “Darling, you see those two ducks over there, an alcoholic would see four” “But Mummy, there is only one duck there !”

Speed dating. Him “Well hello sexy” Her “Hello” Him “You don’t seem too enthusiastic” Her “Just get on with it” Him “Are you into well hung black men ?” Her “Not since the 1870s” The end.

No laughing matter.

Just wondering, how long before UK holiday makers are spotted desperately trying to escape across the Channel, from France, in small boats.

“Hello, 08454647, NHS Helpline, how may I help you ?” “My wife has been bitten by a snake” “Sir, can you describe the snake for me, please” “Well, err, it was pale green with a sort of zig zag pattern on it’s back” “Okay sir, that sounds like an adder, Britain’s only dangerous snake, she will need medical treatment, an ambulance will with you shortly, but there is something you can do to help her” “Yes, anything, just tell me” “Sir, you will have to suck out the venom” “What, I can’t do that” “Sir you have to, she might die if your don’t” “...but....if I suck out the venom there will be nothing left !”

Is this the new Doctor Whomobile for the. Christmas special ?

Pass the altar wine father O’Morrisey and I’ll drink to that.

Foe peace of mind

Here’s an indication of what can go wrong when you pick up the wrong girl whilst under the influence of strong drink.

Unsolved conspiracies #8