Sickipedia

My surname is Goodyear and, in an astonishing twist of coincidence, I started dating a certain Ms Dunlop. We were due to get married but, sadly, at the last minute she let me down.

Breaking news… Delta Airlines have just removed all Dire Straits and Chris Rea music from their in-flight music channel.

All credit to Rebecca Welch. First, One Million Years BC, and now a Premier League referee. She’s officiating the Fulham-Burnley match. I’m going to put in a request that she’s topless. Phwooooaaarrrrrr!

The funeral of my beautiful Thai bride is next Wednesday and you’re all invited. To help fight the terrible disease that befell her, there’ll be a collection for Prostate Cancer Research.

Just wondering, does anyone know if Lewis Capaldi has finished his Glastonbury set yet?

The immortal words of Paul Chuckle, as he knelt at the grave of Sinéad O’Connor, will stay with me forever: “Nothing compares 2U 2 me 2U…”

The latest Covid-denying celebrity to follow No-vax Djokovic is Pfizer Minnelli. *thefrick… who’s blocked comments on his post.

Tom Cruise went to a walk-in vaccination clinic and asked for a booster. The doctor picked him up under his armpits and put him on a raised cushion.

We need to address these appalling rape figures that keep going up and up. My advice to women is to just say “yes”.

I’ve just bought shares in Paint Wizard and Dent Magic ahead of Tuesday’s game. There’s a killing to be made fixing all those dents and key scratches on BMWs, Audis, and Mercedes outside Wembley.