Alone at Christmas? Simulate the sensation of licking out your imaginary girlfriend using the following steps:
1. With bare arms, bend your elbow about ninety degrees
2. Repeatedly rub your tongue up and down the crease
3. Slowly add drops of olive oil so you can pretend you have an effective technique
Remember to ask 'have you cum yet' every thirty seconds.
Pro tip 1: piss on your arm first for the natural aroma
Pro tip 2: add some out of date salmon paste for the authentic taste
Pro tip 3: smear the whole area in garlic cottage cheese and crushed paracetamol to pretend you’re with a diseased gypsy whore
Source: a foul-mouthed spotty kid in class in 1982. Damn, he was funny.
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