Sickipedia

"Fast food lowers sperm count and quality." Looking at MacDonald's clientele, I reckon that's natural selection doing its job.

I went on to the Carmelite Nuns of Great Britain website. It said "Enter." Changed their policy on chastity, have they?

Saw a woman dressed from head to toe in a shroud. I said, "This is England. If you want to dress like that why don't you fuck off back to wherever it is you come from? " Now her convent has reported me to the police.

Whenever I visit a country churchyard, I come out in a rash. I've got Gray's allergy.

Some posters seem to think that there are moderators at Sickipedia. Like there was a welfare officer at Auschwitz.

Professor Peter Waddington, a policing expert who invented kettling, has died after a cardiac arrest. Bit of a bummer having to share eternity with all those who died after a police arrest.

There's a pigmy tribe in Africa called the Yurai, average height 4ft 6in. There's another tribe called the Ubelli, average height 4ft 3in. Hence the expression, "Yurais are bigger than Ubelli."

There's a chip museum in Brussels. Many Sickipedians have generously agreed to donate the ones on their shoulders.

Did you see the 41-gun salute for the new prince the other day? I particularly liked bit where Kate stuck her head out of the window and shouted, "Shut the fuck up! I've only just got the little bugger off to sleep!" (Thanks, Caitlin Moran)

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.