Sickipedia

'...Walking past a pet shop, the sign said; ‘Pedigree Netherland kitten for sale.’ Not believing this expensive cat was from the Netherlands I went into the shop and asked the assistant... Wait for it... ‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’ (Start the car.)

BREAKING NEWS: Parts of London could be under water by 2030. Shouldn't be a problem. HALF of London inhabitants have dinghies.'

BREAKING NEWS: Due to the very cold weather conditions ALL Liverpool schools are asking mothers to wear TWO pairs of pyjamas when collecting their kids for the rest of January.

'...Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Iran all out! The way things are going England will be the ONLY Muslim country left in the World Cup.'

'...Rishi Sunak is a teetotal, vegetarian Hindu who believes in Reincarnation as it is a mainstream teaching in Hinduism. I don't believe in Reincarnation. And I didn't believe in it last time, either.'

'...There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore and looking like an idiot.'

BREAKING NEWS: World's oldest person, a nun aged 118, has died in her sleep. RETURNED - UNOPENED.

'...The ONLY thing Lenny Henry has been in that's funny... Is Dawn French!'

'...As many of you know, I live in Thailand. It is GREAT fun going with Thai girls as they are so thoughtful. Just in case you forget who you're banging at any given time, they have their name conveniently tattooed on their body.'

'...Did you know If you get pregnant in the AMAZON It is next-day delivery?'