Sickipedia

'...Lock down after lock down, plenty of tiers along the way (two jokes for the price of one), as COVID vaccines are FINALLY rolled out in the UK, we knew all that was needed was one little prick. Step up, Boris.'

'...Prince William has arrived by Royal train in Scotland. He booked a tartan room...and got BOTH!'

'...Thanks to lock down, I finished Netflix today.'

'...Day 121 at home. The dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”'

BREAKING NEWS: Boris bans another hated tax scrapping the VAT on women's sanitary products. FINALLY! Tampons with no EU strings attached.

'...I'm doing Dry January. I've given up foreplay.'

'...Why is teen climate activist Greta Thunberg's face to be featured on a postage stamp? Because if they featured her arse you wouldn't LICK IT! Then again...'

BREAKING NEWS: Jeff Bezos to step down as Amazon CEO. He will be leaving with an excellent package.... slightly damaged and delivered three doors down.

'...Shagging this woman in the back of the car and a Copper knocked on the window and shone his torch... "What are you doing", he asked. "Shagging the wife." "Oh sorry sir", said the Plod. "I didn't know it was your wife." "Neither did I, 'till you shone your torch", I said, gutted.'

UK NEWS: Clap for Captain Tom. At 100-years-old, poor old bugger died of COVID and a sexually transmitted disease.