Sickipedia

Yo motherfuckers. Today's my favourite day. Monuewedursfriatursunday.

I was shagging the wife at 8pm. Goin at it like the clappers.

With all the procedures now on entering a supermarket make it more interesting by pretending you're starting a timed stage of the Lombard RAC rally.

Ive just made some adjustments to my time machine. I think it's going to work this time. Im going to try it this weekend. I'll try an hour at first into the future and see how it goes.

I was driving through Morecambe earlier and there were Police everywhere. It was like the Bay of Pigs.

I woke up this morning with a dry cough. Also had a bit of a temperature and feel generally a bit shit. Anyone know if there's a bug goin round or summat?

Things are getting desperate financially so I took my Rolex Oyster watch to the pawn shop. " I'll give you £1500 for it" said the guy. I said "you can fuck off its worth at least £2500. He went off to speak to his boss then came and said. "Right I've had a word with the gaffer and he said we can give you 2 packs of fusilli and 24 Andrex quilted bog rolls" I said deal.

I just rang my local Tesco to see if they had restocked their shelves with tissues. No was the answer. I said no point in coming then.

I over heard my muslim neighbour saying he was afraid as he was being tested for coronavirus. I shouted over the fence "I hope the news is positive"

Queen concert delayed till May Till May what? Decides to play his fucking guitar again??