Sickipedia

You can only get away with "It's for your own good" until a child is four... After that, you need more justification for stealing their chocolate.

TOP TIP: If you ever have trouble opening a bottle of champagne, my advice, hit it with a ship..I've seen people do that, it works!

I got a self-help dvd for Christmas...It was called "How to handle disappointment." When I opened the box, it was fucking empty!

My favorite word is "Apparently". Makes anything sound sarcastic... He's intelligent, apparently..

I fucking hate it when people I don't like say "It just can't be done", and I have to spend the rest of my life desperately trying to prove them wrong.. Anyway, I'm off to buy a hammer, a nail, some jelly, and a ceiling..

Let`s simplify this.... Deliver a bottle of wine and a pizza to me every night unless I call..

I've finally come to accept I'm dyslexic and I'll always be dyslexic... A Leotard can't change its spots..

A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks today- it was so scary.. thankfully someone opened another register..

BBC NEWS: Mick Hucknall has been arrested after being caught making love to a rabbit... a police source says..'He was holding back the ears whilst singing..Bunny's too tight to mention'.

can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems......... I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them.