Sickipedia

Cardiff now say Emiliano Sala won't play for them anytime soon as they think now he is just a buoy and a bit wet behind the ears.

If Spurs join Liverpool in the final, will Tom Daley be appointed to judge the man of the match award?

Today's headline....Prince Harry says he took drugs to escape reality........and they did the job perfectly! (Meghan must be on them too)

Anyone else noticed that Russell Brand has the same "shit house rat" eyes as Charles Manson? And he's also just as unfunny.

I asked a scouser "do you ever wear cologne?" He replied "only when I've no hope in my heart". (Nod to Chum).

Forty five African pilgrim ni... er pilgrim natives were travelling to an Easter service and found God much earlier than they intended. Hallelujah! He works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform.

I've finally realised where I've seen Keir Starmer before. He's the computer generated character "Max Headroom" making his long awaited comeback.

British couple arrested and detained in Iran. Next they were going to Pakistan! Someone please explain to them that if they go in to a cesspits, they will end up deep in the shit .

Clifton George charged with murder of Annabel Rook in London after gas explosion. Strange as no photo of him shown on BBC news website. For the life of me I can't think why. Oh wait a mo, I've just clicked on google images

The funeral for Diogo Jota and his brother will take place later today . The food choice of a barbecue for the wake afterwards has raised a few doubts though.