Sickipedia

BREAKING NEWS: "BBC takes top star off air in sex pics scandal" (Please, let it be Gary Lineker)

Laughing at us!

We've come down on the Russians bloody hard... unless they withdraw from the Ukraine, they won't be allowed in this year's Eurovision Song Contest. That'll show them Russkies what for!

FACT: Black Africans are nearly 3 times more likely to die from COVID than white people. FACT: The lowest rate of take up for the COVID vaccine is amongst BAME, (Black, Asian, Minority Ethnics), who belive it will kill them in a year, has pork gelatine and has a tracking microchip. SOLUTION: Announce that the COVID vaccine is a white man's medicine and will henceforth, only be given to members of the Christian, Aryan, race as a priority. RESULT: BAME's will scream Racism, White Privilege, riot and demand that they are vaccinated immediately. Problem solved.

BBC NEWS: "Climate change: July set to be world's warmest month on record" DAILY EXPRESS: "Britain to be battered by weeks of wind and rain as miserable weather set to ruin summer" Look out of your window and tell me if you still believe in Global Warming.

Somewhere there is a black, transgender, Down's, quadriplegic, ginger, Muslim actor with vitiligo who is set to make a killing in TV advertising.

BREAKING NEWS: "15 year old boy raped by two 18-20 year old girls in woods" If anyone wants me for the next 2 weeks, I'll be camping in those woods.

The problems started on the Titanic submersible when the other passengers could no longer stand the smell of the 2 Pakistani's and were forced to open a window.

NEWS: "Prince Harry lost his virginity to a female digger driver" It's been downhill for him since then... Digger driver to spade.

Got chatting to a real stunner of a girl in the pub. We discussed the Ukraine situation and what Putin might do if Europe intervened. I said he would probably nuke us and we'd only have 20 minutes warning. She asked me what I would do if that happened. I answered, "Shag the arse off of anything that moved. What about you?" She replied, "Stand very, very, still"