Sickipedia

For the last twenty years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer. So I was upset when I didn't get one this year. First my gran dies, now this?

My girlfriend told me she hoped I had something special planned for Valentine's Day. I said "I'm working on it." and she smiled. Which was weird as I thought she would be upset that I'm having to work on Valentine's Day.

See the guy sat at the bar?" I said to my mate. "That's Tony." "The one who used to be in the SAS?" He asked. "You'd never believe it looking at him." "That's exactly what we used to think," I told him, "Until that night when three of the hardest looking gypsies you've ever seen picked a fight with him." "And he took all three of them?" "Did he fuck," I said, "They kicked seven shades of shit out of him." "How did that convince you all that he was telling the truth about being in the SAS?" He asked, looking puzzled. "Well," I explained, "less than two weeks later, the fucker had written a book about the entire incident."

I’ve bought the missus some slippers & a dildo for Christmas..... If she doesn’t like her slippers, she can fuck herself

Quick question. .. Is it possible to take a skin graft from your buttocks ,and transplant it onto someone who isn't family? ......Arse Skin for a friend...

Was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about "What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath ?.. Throw your washing in" .. However the bloke on the next table said, "My brother who is epileptic had a fit in the bath and died". Fuck me if the ground could of swallowed me up. I said, "Sorry to hear that mate, did he drown" ? . He replied "No, he choked on a sock ".

Just seen a sign in the Butchers window ' Turkey £25. That's 375 quid cheaper than Thomas Cook.

Just seen a sign in the Butchers window ' Turkey £25. That's 375 quid cheaper than Thomas Cook.

Got my first road kill today, Hit a pig, enough meat in the freezer now to last until New Year, My only problem is now, How to get rid of his bike.?

Walkers Leicester