Sickipedia

I couldn’t believe it when my glasses fell off while watching some fat old slag playing with herself. Honestly, I never saw it coming.

Fenwick’s are suing the mother of the dead boy for him breaking a mirror in their store. “It’s nothing personal”, claim Fenwick, “It’s just the start of a run of bad luck for her that should be over by 2028”.

If I had a pound for every time I went to the supermarket, I wouldn’t have to carry all my heavy shopping around in a fucking basket.

Last night I decided more effort was needed in the bedroom. So I bought champagne, put on some chill-out music, put some Belgian chocolates on the bedside table, and even sprinkled rose petals on the bed cover. Best J Arthur I’ve ever had.

Quinten Crisp has been asked to join three 1980’s tribute bands: Tears for Queers Electric Light-on-his-Feet Orchestra Dexy’s Midnight Bummers

Why did they make Courteney Cox? Because Lisa Kudrow.

“So, you had a lads’ weekend in Amsterdam did you? Did you go with a prostitute?” “Of course I didn’t, you daft cunt. There’s hundreds of them there already”.

My mate set me up with a blind date. Things got off to a bad start when I tripped on her stick and her labrador bit me.

On 31st August 2022 it’ll be the 25th Anniversary Commemoration of Diana’s death. Let’s club together and book Martin Bashir to sing Candle In The Wind.

James Corden came home early yesterday only to find his wife trying on one of his bras.