Sickipedia

A true story about my favourite comedian when I saw him at the Hackney Empire a few years ago. The show was being recorded to make a DVD. Frankie Boyle said of the missing eight-year-old Shannon Matthews, "Why is it the ugly ones always turn up?". He went on to say that "Uncle" Michael kept her under a bed when the major police investigation started, and that he shagged her but with a photocopy of Madeleine's face stuck on hers. I laughed, the audience gasped... it was the only part of the set that didn't make the DVD, but probably only for legal reasons. My point is this; nothing should be out of bounds. If your bag is Mrs Brown's Boys, Miranda, or the Vicar of Dibley, then fine... get on with it but don't invite me. No-one forces you to buy a ticket to a Frankie Boyle show, or to buy his DVD. People who argue otherwise are self-righteous finger-wagging cunts.

The 2017 National Illiteracy Awards Gold and Silver for "Shockingly Bad Grammar in a Website Banner Announcement" goes to... Sickipedia! For; 'You Already Up Vote This Post' and 'You Are Viewing Today Hotest's Jokes' Thank you, and good night.

Borrowed & adapted - not mine; Kate McCann has said in an interview that Maddie was a real terror when she was two - always kicking, screaming and throwing tantrums in the middle of the supermarket. She grew out of it though — it was only a midlife crisis.

An amended old one... What's blue and goes down on old grannies? Me in my lucky blue jacket.

@hannah's profile states "I'm just me, a girl who likes jokes". What's the betting that this "girl" is a hairy-arsed saddo computer geek hell-bent on revelling in the glory derived from thieving other people's original, and sometimes carefully-crafted, jokes?

Last night I dreamt I had deep thrusting anal sex with the blond one from Abba. When his wife found out she was fucking furious.

After their death, Muslims prefer a quick dispatch - usually within a day or so. Doesn't even come close to the burial of one of hannah's posts this morning; buried to -7 in six minutes. Keep up the good work, fellow Sickipedians.

A reworked one; My mate set me up on a blind date, and he said "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby". I felt a right twat sitting in the pub wearing just a nappy.

Hi chaps. Welcome! Please, sit down. Er, can you bring your chairs closer together please. No, much closer. A bit more, bit more still. Thank you. OK, please place hand on thigh. No, not your own, your neighbour’s. That’s it. Now, the first rule of Gay Club...

I was watching a neighbour masterbating with my telescope. I couldn’t see it that clearly so I regret lending it to her really.