Sickipedia

Rows G to K of the stadium seating at Dortmund have just collapsed. Declan Rice’s girlfriend was jumping for joy at the final whistle.

Wayne Rooney cancelled a booking he’d made for him and his mistress. The hotel phoned to inform him that there was no defibrillator on the premises.

What do you call a search engine that responds with particularly aggressive, completely over-the-top solutions to any problem? Netanyahoo

Port Talbot Gazette headlines: Ta ta Tata!

A few years ago, when Sean Lock was a bit overweight, his mates called him Chubby.

Last night I decided more effort was needed in the bedroom. So I bought champagne, put on some chill-out music, put some Belgian chocolates on the bedside table, and even sprinkled rose petals on the bed cover. Best J Arthur I’ve ever had.

Last night I decided more effort was needed in the bedroom. So I bought champagne, put on some chill-out music, put some Belgian chocolates on the bedside table, and even sprinkled rose petals on the bed cover. Best wank I’ve ever had.

I went to the USA to see Disney on Ice. It was just some old cunt lying in a freezer surrounded by ice.

Urgent Request I left my heart somewhere but can’t for the life of me remember where I put it. I’ve looked in all the obvious places but nothing so far. Please help. Yours T Bennett Esq Announced retirement today at 95, and has just received recent Alzheimer’s diagnosis.

A Chink at a Stevie Wonder concert bellowed, “Do a jazz chord, Stevie!” He said he didn’t know what she was talking about and couldn’t help her. She said, ”You know — 🎵 a jazz chord, to say, I ruv you🎵”.