Sickipedia

I live in a convent and I like ALL sheep. Baa nun.

My wife thinks I have an allergy to the computer. She said to me "it's only when your on the computer in the study that you sneeze. I know this because the bin is always full of tissues".

The European Court in Strasbourg has found Russia guilty of not protecting people during a school siege in 2004. Russia issued a brief denial. "Fuck Off" they said.

Ting Ting Ting How a Jamaican describes a member of the UK indie duo.

I'm confused. The news reader said pop out of the room if you don't want to know the scores. She then read out the Scottish football scores. I don't want to know the scores (because I don't fucking care) so why the fuck should I leave the room?

You've got to hand it to those Geordies, they can fucking count fast.

Parents of poor Charlie Gard in court again tomorrow suing the funeral directors, who want to use a teak coffin. The parents insist it should be oak.

Good to see the natural order of life is still valid. Everton footballers should only be driving VW Beetles anyway.

Channel 4 have commissioned a new series for UK Sickipedians. It's called 'The Great British Fuck Off!'

I bought an epileptic baby off the internet. But I had to return it because it didn't fit.