Sickipedia

If sperm is good for your skin and makes you look younger? Then how come my hands both look the same age.

Whilst cooking tonight I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes. I’m now Parsley sighted

Fuck, that Jean Claude Van Damme is a jack of all trades. Martial artist, movie star and President of the EU commission.

The boss of Dulux has died of hyperthermia while trekking across the Antarctic Medics said he needed a second coat

My wife said I make love like a painter. I said "What, like Da Vinci, smooth strokes, attention to detail and the result is a masterpiece?" She said "No, like the council, rush the job, leave a fucking mess and I have to finish it myself!"

I've put up a massive net in my back garden 20 foot by 20 foot to try and catch the Grim Reaper. The council have told me to take it down Apparently it's a death trap.

My wife said I make love like a painter. I said "What, like Da Vinci, smooth strokes, attention to detail and the result is a masterpiece?" She said "No, like the council, rush the job, leave a fucking mess and I have to finish it myself!"

Katie Price??

So snickers has changed back to marathon? Better? You're not you when you're hungry!

Lard arse