Sickipedia

My wife went out shopping and I asked her, if she could buy some toothpicks. "They are unhealthy for your teeth," she said, "I bring you some interdental brushes." "Alright," I replied, "but you explain to our guest why there are interdental brushes sticking in the cheese cubes."

"You don't open up bras very often?" she asked me. "No," I replied, "What gave me away?" "The scissors."

Star Wars - Death Star

When you see the smile of your two year old daughter, you realize the important things in life. Contraception.

Have you ever woken up and watched the person next to you is still sleeping? And you have to blow her a tender kiss just because you are happy? I've done that and got a lifetime ban for the subway.

I hate sleeping in the spooning position with my midget wife when she sleeps behind me. It always feels like sleeping with a jetpack on.

Raising children is easy. Just keep the boys away from the blue lights and girls from the red lights.

I bought a spermwhite car yesterday. Now I can touch up smaller scratches by myself.

As a child: 'You are grounded. ' As an adult: 'Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm. '

Green chameleon for sale. No, a red one. No, blue. No wait, a pink one. Cool. I Keep it.