Sickipedia

You're a fucking cunt. You think this is funny? It's about as funny as waking with semen dribbling from your arse. Why don't you just fuck off you fucking cunt? Fuck me you fucking wind me up you fucking wanker.

I went to the hardware store and saw a new shade of red paint called 'MzwakheMbuli red'. It's not very bright but it's cheap and it spreads easily.

So, it was the Queen and Prince Phillip's 60th wedding anniversary not so long ago. Imagine that, a German woman married to a Greek for 60 years. She must have an arse like a broken catflap. (Hannah)

Statistically... 9 out 10 logins on here are Hannahs

It's ok for my wife to tell little white lies to protect MY feelings, but apparently me hiding an affair to protect HER feelings is wrong.

I find it hard to talk to women, especially to this one girl I really like. I'm not sure if it's the shyness, the insecurity, or the fear of violating the restraining order.

My wife took the first spoonful of her soup, and winced. "Oh fuck, my mouth!!" she groaned. "Where was that comma?" I asked.

I just overheard my girlfriend telling her sister that she's taking her retarded boyfriend to the pub tonight. I can't believe she's cheating on me.

I keep getting spam emails offering me penis enlargements and diet supplements. Someone knows far too much about me.

Armed robbery on a bank. It can provide a life of luxury and relaxation, never having to worry about money, food, bills or amenities again. And that's just if you get caught.