Sickipedia

Keir Starmer in the news again, he claims the Popes death is the Tories fault.

I’ve got a load of Sheffield United tea sets, if anybody is interested, there’s loads of saucers, but no cups.

Phoned a restaurant to book a table for me & my girlfriend, what name, they asked, I said Amelia, they said. I know you want a meal here, but what’s her name?

My gay boss asked me to move his car this morning, when I got in, there was this button on the dashboard saying rear wiper, I thought mmmm. better not.

Got stopped by the Police last night & they said they were looking for 2 child molesters, I said you can put me down for one & I’ll ask my mate next door.

Am I the only person who thought the relationship between Sturgeon & Salmond was a bit fishy?

There’s no hope for us in the UK, when a man crossing the Channel in a rubber dinghy dies, with all those doctors & scientists on board.

I never realised Americans did so much reading, one offered me 25,000 books for my car, I thought, where the hell am I going to put all those?

Sadly, I was caught by security trying to climb the fence at Glastonbury, they turned me back & said I had to listen to the rest of the Rod Stewart concert.

How come my car leaks water when it’s raining, it’s fine the rest of the time?