Sickipedia

I was walking down the street and this really forward girl came up to me; she was so brazen, particularly as she was a good 10 years passed her best. She walked straight up to me and said "Hi, I'm Lizzie, and i'm eleven"

Why do women wear make up and perfume? 'Cos they're ugly and they smell

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 6 when he was 4

Why do women have such low self-esteem? Because they're shit at everything

I just got an advent calendar from the local Scope charity shop. It's really cool. In case you have movement issues, they improved those fiddly little windows. You simply lick them and they open.

Sometimes, when surfing porn, I like to look at some really weird stuff, just so I know what else is out there. Did you know, for example, there are videos out there of just a guy and a girl having vaginal sex?

I'll tell you what, you can say what you like about deaf people......

I love getting compliments at work. For example today I had a supplier call me and tell me my "payment was outstanding". I felt great. (And to be honest, I don't even remember paying them.)

Christians: That Mohamed was a right wrong'un because he married a young girl. Our God, who impregnated the 14 year old wife of another man without her consent, should smite him.

As if Sir Alex Ferguson isn't going to dictate to the Grim Reaper how much time is left.