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So Katie Price is on Celebrity Masterchef. You’d be surprised what that woman can do with a cabbage. She even grows them by herself.

You shall not pass!

Micheal Collins may not have got enough credit for travelling to the moon. But Neil and Buzz certainly left him a great review on Uber.

In order to make Katie Price feel right at home on the set of Celebrity Masterchef. The judges will be flinging most of her food up the walls.

I’m telling you, I can tolerate the racist, unfaithful car crashing Greek tragedy in a coffin with that murdering widow of a wife, A son with peodophilic tendencies and a disease that stops him sweating, A grandson who was the result of an affair, who’s ginger and now thinks he’s American and black and likes to dress up as a nazi in his spare time. But if they break that 30 person rule at the funeral, I am gonna go ape-shit!!!

My feminist girlfriend wants me to treat her more like a “lady” I almost chocked on her unshaven gammon curtains

Sitting there at Dave Prowse funeral looking at him resting peacefully in his coffin. I thought to myself “I could make a lot of money here. As I’m sure there are a lot of Star Wars collectors out there that would pay eye watering amounts of cash for an original Darth Vader still in his box”

How did he manage to hold his breath for that long?

Some mothers do ‘av ‘em

Mother threw the baby away and kept the afterbirth.