Sickipedia

My first wife left me because of my obsession with clickbait. you wont believe what happened next. (from the legend gary delaney)

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “the driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

I went to school with Ivor Bigun nice kid. always boasting about the size of his knob

In 1970, a man goes into a tailor's shop in Birmingham to buy a new suit. After going through all the usual choices, he settles on a nice single breated two-button charcoal grey one with a single vent and three buttons on each seeve. The salesman then persuades him to add a shirt, one with a complementary pink stripe and then he asks, “How about we finish off with a nice kipper tie?” “That would be lovely”, replies the customer, “milk and two sugars please”.

Met a flight attendant today, she was beautiful and blonde. I asked, "Would you like to go out for dinner sometime?" She replied, "Sure, what about now?" I said, "I don't think there are any restaurants at thirty thousand feet over the Himalayas."

It was a snowy day at the White House and President Trump decided to walk outside in the Rose Garden to clear his head. As he walked around the Rose Garden, he noticed yellow, cursive writing, peed in the snow that read, "Convict Trump." Outraged, Trump brought over the Secret Service and demanded that they investigate. After taking some time for a thorough investigation, a Secret Service agent approached Trump and said, "We've completed our investigation and I'm afraid we have two bad pieces of information for you. The first is that the urine in the snow matches the urine of Vice President Pence." Trump reeled from the news and said, "That's terrible. I can't imagine anything worse. Did you say there were two pieces of bad news? What's the second one?" The agent responded, "The handwriting is Melania's."

i was in the south of france at a nudist beach last week. Brest? yeah and fanny

There's a nudist convention in my home town tomorrow. I might go if I've got nothing on.

Just joined plentyoffish.com. before I upgrade, what type of fish are they? Is it cod and haddock? or other fish? my local chippy sells cod for £4, the upgrade on the site is £51 for 4 months. what do they do? send you fish every month? thanks in advance.

Apparently 'Dance like no one is watching' doesnt mean 'with your cock out'. from Gary Delaney.