Sickipedia

I feel really guilty crushing up pills and putting them in Granny's dinner. But I'd feel even more guilty if I got her pregnant.

What did the slug say to the snail? Big Issue?

What's the similarity between Article 50 and an NHS abortion? 9 months waiting (list)

Can we imagine Churchill lighting a few candles giving everyone a hug and telling us that he has no answers so we has better get used to this sort of thing? Could you imagine him suggesting that if we just loved Hitler a bit more he might call it all off?

I was down the West London council offices earlier helping the muzzie protesters out, I did have to laugh when the council bloke told them there was nothing he could do, the fire was obviously the will of alla.

Does Frankie Boyle get his digs in early before anyone notices his ginger hair?

Dumb and dumber

Copper walking through the park late one night sees a bloke holding tight to a tree. On closer inspection the bloke is handcuffed around the tree and his strides are round his ankles. The bloke says, “Thank goodness you’re here officer, I was walking through the park and saw a bloke with his arms around this tree and I asked him what he was doing. He said he was the Forestry Commission Tree Measurer and when I asked him if I could try he agreed. As I started he slapped handcuffs on me, came around pulled off my keks and bummed me and left me here helpless.” Copper undoing his trousers says, “Not your lucky night is it?”

I work for The Samaritans After a great session last night I woke up feeling like a corpse So I phoned in sick this morning. The bastards talked me out of it.

Sperm Donor Worst kebab you'll ever try