Sickipedia

Make all the jokes about Prince Philip you want. He was awesome in Poltergeist.

I just built a car out of Chinese food. An Hour from now, I'll want to build another one.

"For my next trick, I will make this young lady's virginity and dignity DISAPPEAR!!"

The definition of disgusting is kissing your grandmother and getting tongue.

Chuck Norris died six years ago. The Grim Reaper is too frightened to collect him.

Bernard and Ann McDonagh, are convicted of dine-and-dash? Look at those fat fucks! They can't dash anywhere!

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Donald Trump sighs as his cell door is locked behind him. He looks around his cell and notices Big Stan a 450 pound, six and a half foot tall black man with a huge cock. "H-hi. I'm Donald Tru--" "What are you in for, bitch?" "Oh. Um. Business fraud. Falsifying tax records...," Trump replied. "And you?" "Sexual assault. Rape. Multiple homicide," Big Stan replied. Trump complexion turns a pale orange. "So, you wanna be the husband or the wife?" Big Stan asked. "Umm, I guess I'll be the husband--" Trump replied. "Good! Now get over here and suck your wife's dick!"

I like making jokes about vegans, but never about tofu. That's just tasteless.

A robber held up a well-dressed man, pointing his gun and yelling, “Give me all your money!” The man replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m a U.S. congressman!” The robber retorted, “In that case, give me all my money!”