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It's been revealed that the line marking spray can used during the England vs Colombia match was empty. It was just coke falling from the Colombian's noses.
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My wife insists I give her a kiss and a cuddle before we go to sleep. And that's how I became an insomniac.
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My wife spent £3000 and got a face lift. She'd bought a handbag so I gave her an uppercut.
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"Happy Birthday Harry from everyone here at the AA, what did you get for your 20th?" Asked the spokesman. "I stuck to lager."
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How can you tell if someone has too much time on their hands?
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Apparently the window cleaner has been doing my misses. That'll explain the suds on her face then.
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"Would you think I was a pervert if I pictured you sister in lingerie whilst we have sex?" I asked. "Of course not Son."
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I wank about socks. How convenient is that?
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I love going to the Antiques Road Show with duplicates of their clothes wrapped up.
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"Do you know what the speed limit is around here?" Asked the copper as he pulled me up. "No mate, I've had 3 grams and feel fine, wouldn't do any more though if I was you."
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