Sickipedia

Biddy Baxter dead ! News of her funeral arrangements have just been released. She will not have a conventional burial, nor will she be cremated. Instead she will be interred in a time capsule, to be opened in 2099 !

Mars Foods UK Ltd today released a tasty gem in tribute to a well known 60s songstress who knew how to work, rest and PLAY.

Early on Sunday morning, March 30th, the clocks go forward an hour, unfortunately so does the Doomsday clock, which will put it well past midnight…..goodbye, good luck and don’t forget to take at least one can opener with you to your hideaway behind the sofa. See you on the other side…perhaps. NB corned beef and tins of spam do not require a can opener….just a ready supply of finger bandages.

Wayne Rooney has a new job, whatever that is. As part of his interview process he was asked questions about his sex life, in particular his affinity with ladies of the older generation. Rooney admitted he was in demand for that sort of ‘work’. Asked how he coped with the requests for oral stimulation, he replied it was initially slow work but eventually very satisfying for the lucky ladies. When asked for further details he admitted it was often time consuming to chew through the outer crusts, but once through it was simply a matter of allowing the necrotising fluids to drain away before forcing his tongue through the new opening and lapping away to his and her heart’s content. Coleen often complained about his bad breath when he returned home, but he really didn’t give a shit !

Oops !

ITV, current owners of the Big Brother Franchise today announced they had contracted with the Labour Party to help choose the new deputy leader of the party, candidates to be announced in due course. The candidates will be helicoptered onto the Scottish island of Gruinard for the selection process Kemi Badenoch said she was really looking forward to the bush tucker trials.

This morning I found a list of New Year’s Day resolutions that I penned when I was 16, back in the dark ages. One of them went like this ‘I must stop talking aloud to myself’ . I reckon now, belatedly, I should try this resolution again. I wonder if any of you agree with me ? …… ….. ….. Hello, is anyone listening to me ?

Found this croc of shit on Facebook, it could be yours only for the asking.

Liverpool training ground, Monday Feb 10th 2025.

"You'll never walk alone" sang the six guys who carried Jota's coffin into the church. Too soon ???