Sickipedia

Biddy Baxter dead ! News of her funeral arrangements have just been released. She will not have a conventional burial, nor will she be cremated. Instead she will be interred in a time capsule, to be opened in 2099 !

The International Committee for the Exploration of the Seas (ICES) has just announced the terrible news that the numbers of cod in the North Sea are so low that cod fishing should be banned next year to prevent extinction of the fish due to the increasingly low numbers available to spawn. Interestingly enough, today is the 70th anniversary of the introduction of fish fingers to the UK markets. It is a well known fact that in order to get a female fish to release her eggs, a male fish has to finger her to orgasm. When male cod are caught, it is customary to remove their fingers for the traditional British delicacy before throwing the fish back into the sea, as a result female fish go unsatisfied and do not release their eggs. Since we, in this country eat 1.5 million fish fingers per day, the projected shortage of cod will mean the end of traditional fish fingers although other species of fish are available? The fingering of the female fish does affect the taste of fish fingers. You have probably noticed the distinct odour of fish as you cut through the breadcrumbs to get to the meat within, the contents of the fish finger also tend to taste a bit fishy. Suggestions to get round this problem such as resorting to eating cod balls in batter have been declined by ICES for similar reasons as no balls means the castrated cod cannot father codlings. Would baby octopus legs or starfish limbs make a good alternative to fish fingers, they would be available in eight or five packs. Enjoy you lunch today, whilst you still can.

ITV, current owners of the Big Brother Franchise today announced they had contracted with the Labour Party to help choose the new deputy leader of the party, candidates to be announced in due course. The candidates will be helicoptered onto the Scottish island of Gruinard for the selection process Kemi Badenoch said she was really looking forward to the bush tucker trials.

Transplant games...I didn't even know plants could be trans....whatever next ?

I hope they have the decency to tidy up before they return to England.

Err....yes, that's how bomb vests are supposed to work !

New NHS plan to remove elderly bed blockers from hospital beds under consideration, any better ideas anyone ?

Norman Tebbit breaks land speed record on his bike down the highway to hell.

When Trump ended his first term as President, he initially refused to build a presidential library, however it appears that he did indeed have one constructed at his home in Florida. Unfortunately it was burgled last week and and both his books were stolen ! The sad thing is, he hadn’t finished colouring in either book.

The world’s first online hospital……if any of you actually get the chance to use it, don’t forget to Save it before you log out.