Sickipedia

A girlfriend of mine once, put me in a tough situation; she said, "Does my bum look big in this?" Just as I was about to say: "You look great", the Emperor Mong cut in and I said: "To be fair, it's a small room." When her stuff had gone, the room was actually quite large.

"BANG" said the gun. "WHOOSH" said the bullet. "FUCKING OUCH" said the target...

Dogs wide arse NSFW

Vicks

I asked my blonde girlfriend if we could try a bit of reverse cowgirl. She said, "Erm.. OK... OOOOOOOMMM!"

A friend of mine was feeling suicidal. I threw him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

'Murica

Dear Deirdre. My boyfriend's a right dick! He told me the best cure for constipation was anal sex. I didn't believe him but after some persuasion, he talked me into it and I let him stick his big fat knob into my tiny little arsehole. He shagged me up the bum really hard then after a while, shot his muck, deep into my bowels. He's just rung me this morning saying he wants to try it again as he's still constipated. What should I do? Sharon of Essex

My chum said, "What rhymes with orange" I pondered for a while and thought... No it doesn't.

McDonald's were giving away 18-month old, badly behaved, kids and 10 Mayfair fags to any white girl in a tracksuit aged between 12 and 15 yesterday. Or so it seemed.