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A happy childhood memory.

A happy childhood memory.

An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?" The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?" The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad." The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant." The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother Frank was a monster. Found it on the interweb, sorry if it's old

What do you do when you've finished with a 5 year old girl? Turn her over and pretend she's a 5 year old boy!

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Difference between marmalade and jam....you can’t marmalade your finger into a schoolgirl.

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, "I've had enough and left you so don't bother coming after me." and hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walking towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone; "She's finally gone……..yeah I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to pick you up so put on the sexy french sheet. I love you". He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote; "I can see your feet. Stop being ridiculous. We’re outta bread. Put the coffee on.....back in 5".

A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity. What should I do?" "Get married" said the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said. The Rabbi replied, "No but the desire will disappear"