Sickipedia

A prostitute told me I could have sex with her for the reduced rate of £10 as she didn't have a womb. Intrigued, I asked how we would do it? She replied "Acwoss the woad, against those wailings."

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81? He said "No"

A Taliban fighter, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5." The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!" "OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah." Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped: "They won't let me in without a fucking tie!”

Elton, don't you fucking dare!

Two birds, one stone. The story of two anorexic best mates.

Black misses matter.

What do you call a generous rapper? Gifty Cent.

What do you call a Jewish Rapper? Snip Dogg.

A cat hijacks a plane n says Take me tae the Canaries. (Nod to Simzter)

What do Jedi's and rapists have in common? They both use the force.