Sickipedia

I hate having to explain myself! Don't ask me why

Statistics show 65% of scouse men have had sex in the shower; the other 35% haven't been to prison yet!

One thing I've learned whilst I've been married to my wife is I'll never commit bigamy! Imagine two f@@king mother-in-laws

I've recently had an ear transplant at my local hospital and they used a pigs ear! I'm taking it back though because I keep getting a bit of crackling...

Don't fucking judge me! I never fucking drink unless I'm alone or with someone!

How many fish are there in a pair of tights? Five, two eels, two soles and a fucking smelly wet plaice!

I haven't seen Rick Astley in years! Lying fucker!

Two wives are out on the town on a girl's night out and both get extremely drunk. On the way home both needing a piss they stopped at the cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a recently laid wreath off a grave. The next day one husband called the other and said " No more girls nights out for my wife, she came back without any panties" The other husband said "you think that's fucking bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read" "From all of us at the rugby club, we will never forget you xxx"

"For Pete's sake, "that's it I've had enough, I'm leaving you, I'm fucking sick to death of your obsessive jealousy and you always accusing me of cheating on you" my wife yelled at me as she slammed the door. "Just hang on a minute" I yelled back "Who the fucking hell is Pete" Slut

Just shagged my wife's best friend and fell over! Must have been a guilt trip..