Sickipedia

After I called Psychiatrist Dr. J. Looney I was put on hold Your call is very important to us... “Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo."

A doctortold my friend he has a donor for his penis transplant ..And he asked the Dr "Give it to me straight doc.. how long have I got?"

CNN Fake news; Tariff War Sends Prices of Chinese Rubber Dog Sh*t Soaring

I would voted for Monica Lewinski if she ran for president. She is now a Republican with a splash of Democrat in her.

My old lady Rillia asked me what would I do if she was choking... I told her I would back up two inches...

What do you get when you cross a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac? A fucking thief!

A Chicago police officer pulls a man over for driving all over the road... ...and discovers the man has clearly been drinking. Officer: "You'll have to come with me for a breathalyzer test, sir." Man: "I'm afraid I can't do that officer, I'm ams-- *hic* alths-- I'm asthmatic. I could have an episode." O: "I see. In that case, I'll need to take you down to the station for a blood test." M: "I can't do that either, see, because I'm a helmpho-- a hemophiliac. I could bleed out." O: "*sigh*... okay, just stand right there and hold your arms out to your sides, tilt your head straight back, and touch your nose with your right index finger." M: "I'm afraid I can't do that either, because I.................." O: "What, you have vertigo?" M: "Yes! Sorry, I can't think very fast after 14 beers!"

I’ve been trying to give up swearing for Lent. Let’s just say that, so far, it’s been a fucking disaster.

I was diagnosed with antisocial behavior disorder, so I joined a support group. We never meet.

Community Chest Running a seminar tomorrow on multiple personalities. Please arrive early to fill out your name tags.