Sickipedia

On the 8th of June 1913 the King's horse Amner, was involved in a fatal incident in the struggle to gain votes for all. Today more than a hundred years later, horses still don't have the right to vote.

I was so surprised to find out I was colour blind. It hit me like a bolt out of the orange.

I was watching the coronation and thought I caught a glimpse of Queen Camilla. It wasn't until she took a shit in the Mall, that I realized it was just one of the horses pulling the King's carriage.

I think my wife's dead. What do you mean, you think your wife's dead? Well sex is the same but the pile of washing's getting bigger.

BBC NEWS Prince Harry: "I want my father and brother back". Charles and William: "Once you've gone black, we don't want you back".

If we can put an American on the Moon... why not put them all there?

I fell asleep watching Star Trek and when I woke up, the golf was on. I thought bloody hell, they landed on a shit planet this week!

One small step but in the right direction. A simple plan of sublime perfection. Apollo 11 lands on a Luna mare. If we can send one Yank to the moon, why not send them all there?

I called the incontinence helpline number. The voice said, "Please hold". ... ... ... ... ? I crossed my legs and began to squirm and frown. Then the voice said, "Where're you ringing from?" I said, "From the waist down". Then I said, "Please help me, I dare not leave the latrines". The voice said, "Sorry pal I can't help you, incontinence is hereditary, it runs in your genes".

The milk in my fridge has a longer shelf life than a Russian General in Ukraine.