Sickipedia

My family said I'm not taking this covid19 business seriously! I almost choked on my pangolin sandwich

I thought the radio presenter was talking to a shareholder of the Jack Daniels company When he said whiskey business made him big. Then I realised it was Jonathan Ross interviewing Tom cruise

I found out 2 things today 1, I can fit 3 fingers up my arse 2, I'm banned from any subsequent visits to the cadbury factory

I went to get the autographs of my two favourite actors from my two favourite films Fatal attraction and Under Siege, I only managed to get one. Close but no Seagal

I also contacted two deceased brothers from a 70s disco troupe On a beegee board

I contacted George formby the " window cleaner" from beyond the grave On a squeegee board

I thought I did something noble to dismiss prejudice, akin to princess Diana's "hugging someone with aids" Apparently fingering someone with cervical cancer is not the same It's one rule for them etc. . . .

I told my mate I had every intention of going up to Robert Downey junior and punching him for being a narcissistic, egotistical prick, but ended up sucking his cock because he was so charismatic. "Irony" he replied " nah just a bit salty"

My nickname at school was scarface I was fucking brilliant at knitting

My norfolk mate said he overheard his mum and girlfriend being derogatory about men, I said the next time he's doing her up the arse he should deliver a donkey punch, "What sort of sick fuck hit's his own mother?" He said