Sickipedia

‘You’ll never walk alone’ Inspiring words at Anfield. Devastating news at the rehabilitation centre.

As I stared out of the window this morning, I said to my wife: "Oh my God, look at it, it's so grey and miserable." "Stop being a cunt" she replied, "just go and let my mother in."

My friend was injured recently when someone threw a bunch of herbs in his face. He’s now registered as being parsley sighted.

Before I have sex with a woman, I like to discuss children. You know, just to get me in the mood.

My mate goes to the gym religiously every week. He looks like a right cunt on the treadmill dressed as a vicar.

On my e-harmony profile I said that I prefer quality over quantity. It just sounds better than 'no fat birds'.

As I got into bed with my new girlfriend for the first time, she purred “just so you know, I like a lot of foreplay.” “That’s not a problem” I said, pushing her head under the covers, “you can suck it as long as you want.”

My electric fan has contracted Coronavirus. It’s currently self-oscillating.

As I watched a documentary with my mate about the Hillsborough disaster, the tears just began to flow: “Oh my God” I said to him, staring at his blank face, “are you a fucking robot?” “Of course not” he replied, “I just don’t find it as funny as you.”

“We will, we will rock you!” Awe inspiring lyrics when sung by Freddie Mercury. A terrifying sentence handed down by a Saudi judge to a whore.