Sickipedia

What is Katie Prices favourite drink? 7up in cider

Teacher asks the kids in class, "What do you want to be when you grow up ?" Chris says, "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200 ft yacht, an infinite visa card and I wanna shag her 3 times a day..." The teacher, in shock, ignores the boy and turns to little Nancy and asks, " What about you dear?" "I wanna be Chris's bitch!"

 My wife threatened to leave me due to my sexual fetishes. I said "fine, just slam the door on my cock on your way out".

They've published another week of Elizabeth Fritzl's diary. Monday:- Stayed in, Dad came down and fucked me. Tuesday:- Stayed in, Got fucked by Dad Wednesday:- Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style Thursday:- Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face Friday:- Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding Saturday:- Went to watch man utd play. Wish I'd fucking stayed in. (credit some cunt somewhere)

My neighbour just banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe that? Lucky I was still up playing music. He banged and shouted, "can we have a little respect please?" So I shouted back, "I am not a big Aretha franklin fan but this ones for you".

This is the 1st year I won't be running in the London marathon because of covid......I usually don't do it because I am a fat lazy cunt that can't run.

Jk Rowling talking about the 20th anniversary of Harry Potter I don’t think anyone’s milked a small wizard this much since Debbie McGee.

People are always slagging off London saying what a shithole full of cunts. They haven't got a clue I just walked down an alleyway and saw a load of tramps giving each other the vaccine. What a lovely kind place we live in.

I phoned the samaritans and said "Im at the top of Beachy head and I'm gonna toss myself off" the woman on the other end of the line said "what about the people below?" I said "don't worry love they'll probably think it's just bird shit".

No trains stopping at London bridge tonight. So you can just shoot straight through.