Sickipedia

I was looking over into next-door's garden, when I saw my neighbour Mohammed and his wife, burying their daughter up to her neck and about to throw rocks at her head. Anyway, I called the police and I'm happy to say that British justice has prevailed - I've been charged with religious intolerance and Islamophobia.

Diary. Week 5 of lockdown.... Running out of booze, no sports on TV. Have just found a woman sitting next to me on the sofa. Apparently, she's my wife. Seems nice enough

A woman is recovering in hospital after having a settee dropped on her from the window of a flat. Doctors say that she's doing well sofa.

British boy, 15, dies falling from seventh floor window on Spanish language trip What's the Spanish for Oh shiiiiittttt!?

A Pakistani Airlines plane has crashed in Karachi. The plane disappeared from radar but the wreckage was traced by the stench.

The other day I was having sex with this married woman when her husband came home early. She told me I’d have to use the back door and said I’d have to be quick. On reflection, I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that.

Tesco have started stocking the new range of turkeys from Corbyn Farms in time for Christmas. They come already stuffed.

As the storm raged, the captain realised his ship was sinking...fast. So he shouted out, "Anyone here knows how to pray?" Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets, - we're one short."

A Sussex man has been arrested concerning the murder of Nicola Stevenson and disposing of her body in a wheelie bin. He's been accused of putting the body in the wrong bin - she should have gone in recycling.

Welsh chipshop owner accused of killing his wife with boiling oil. He's being charged with battering her.