Sickipedia

My girlfriend: The vacuum won't suck anymore! Me: Frustrating, ain't it?

My girlfriend has the best story behind why she's not religious anymore: When she was 12 years old, her parents nailed a 12kg crucifix to the wall right above her bed. And about two weeks later in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall, and leaves a 2-inch gash in the back of her dad's head.

I think white women and black women are both women, in the same sense that Israel and Palestine are both countries.

Her: Did you know a BJ ends with the word "job" because it sucks, but going down on a woman is called "eating out" because it's a privilege? Him: And that's why you have a job to do everyday, and I can only eat out a couple times a month.

What do bisexual white women and Catholic priests have in common? They're upset about how much they like boys.

Abortion isn't murder - it's just cancelling your pre-order.

A white man, a black man, an Asian and a Hispanic were at the top of this tall mountain. The Hispanic said "This is for my people!", and jump off the mountain. The Asian said "This is for my people!", and jump off the mountain. The black man said "This is for my people!", grabbed the white man, and threw him off the mountain.

I'm going HAM in the slaughter-house, fuck you and your damn charts And your crowd participation I'm putting a landmine under your stage, have the place raining fan parts And called that shit "crowd precipitation" - PRhyme, You Should Know

My grandmother said there are only two things you need to worry about: Whether you're healthy or sick. If you're healthy, you got nothing to worry about. But if you're sick, you've got two things to worry about: Whether you get better, or get worse. If you get better, you got nothing to worry about. But if you get worse, you've got two things to worry about: Whether you're gonna live, or gonna die. If you live, you got nothing to worry about. But if you die, you've got two things to worry about: Whether you're going to heaven, or going to hell. If you're going to heaven, you got nothing to worry about. But if you're going to hell, you've got two things to worry about: Original, or extra crispy?