Sickipedia

A different, awkward wank over Susanna Reid this evening, watching her on the Death Row Countdown documentary, speaking to a murdering rapist, close to his imminent death. Still, not as awkward as wanking over her each morning speaking to Piers Morgan.

I imagine an influx of Amazon firesticks on the market soon.

The birds are tweeting outside. The little fuckers nicked the phone off my patio table.

When is Ronald McDonald the thick red-nosed cunt gonna work out that a "double quarter pounder" is a half pounder.

Richard Branson's meant to be one of the richest men in the world, yet he's still to tight to put a ring-pull on his tins of baked beans. No wonder he's a fucking virgin.

Midnight was Ramones time... 2020, 24 hours to go

I didn’t like the Rugby World Cup result today. I think we should have a referendum to replay it next week.

Telesales people aren't in a hurry to give you their mobile phone number when you ask for it so you can call them whilst they are having a wank.

Currys are bombarding us with television adverts for washing machines with 7kg, 8kg, 9kg loads. Which bastards weigh their clothes before chucking them in the wash?!

I might have to sack this Dry January lark and have a bath or shower...