Sickipedia

Really really annoyed.... 😡😡😡😡😡 Some dude found my debit card inside the little corner shop literally 30 seconds after I dropped it!!! He tried keeping it, even though I caught him picking it up. I kept tapping him on the shoulder to tell him to give it back, but he denied having it 😡😡😡😡😡😡 This is where it gets interesting 🙄... An even bigger idiot kept tapping on .... See More.

Old lady goes to the dentist Gets to the chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls her knickers down, sits down , opens her legs and spreads them apart. What the fuck said the dentist, I’m not a gynaecologist.....I’m a bloody dentist. She says......I know, can you take my husbands teeth out !

My wife wants to call Ghostbusters because she thinks we’re getting “visited” every night. Keeps finding ectoplasm in her hair, on her tits and sticking her eyelids together every morning. Luckily for me, they’re a bit busy at the moment.

Last week, I visited the Patent office, to register a new invention that I had dreamed up. I told the clerk, "I've invented a folding bottle, I call it a ‘Fottle’ can I register it?" The clerk replied, "That's a rubbish concept, it'll never work", so i said, "Well I've invented a folding kettle, I call it a “Fettle’ is that any good?" "Nope! It's been done already, pal." I didn't even bother to tell him about my folding bucket...

Met this girl at a party. She said people called her Vivaldi. I asked, "Is that because you're a brilliant violinist?" She said, "No, it's because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi."

What has 2 legs in the morning, 27 legs in the afternoon and 58 legs in the evening? Someone who has decided to collect legs.

humpty dumpty had a big spoon humpty dumpty twatted a coon all the kings horses and all the kings men said " go on humpty, twat him again"..

mary had a little bike its frame was white as snow, everywhere the front wheel went the back was sure to go,,....no need to thank me..

Recently Barclaycard sent me a letter saying borrow up to £10,000 over two years with no interest. Perfect I thought because after I had gotten the money I had no interest in paying it back and now I’m doing two years as a result. - Mr M Bezzler, HMP strangeways..

My other half asked what I wanted for Christmas, so I thought I would go for it and said 'Anal Sex'. To my astonishment she said okay and all I have to do now is get her present. Does anyone know what a 'Strap On' is?