Sickipedia

A guy gets a call at work from the police telling him that his house had been robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!"

A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but 'nooooooooo', you said that might 'huuuuurrrt'!"

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like: " I'm tired." "I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." "I'm your sister-in-law."

Conductor on an Amtrak train in Alabama " All Abort "

I got banned 60 days by the sites mods. I have no clue how they were able to get a sample of my urine. I emailed them for a reason and haven;t heard back. I think I have a better chance of sodomizing the Pope

I never jog past the Salvation Army Santas because they might hear the coins jingling in my pockets

Jack Dorsey, CEO of Twitter was in a minor traffic accident. He was taken to a local hospital where he was tweeted and released...

The Westminster Dog Show sells stamps featuring the winners of past shows. The stamps lick themselves!

Popeye was a vegan who settled every disagreement with violence

Pres. Bush will be buried at his library. The family is allowed to take him out as long as they have him back in 30 days...