Sickipedia

As the love of my life lay there, getting weaker by the minute, I kneeled down and whispered "Be strong" to my Wi-Fi signal.

My 5 year old son was getting grumpy. "I think it's time you hit the sack" I declared. So he smashed my bollocks in with his toy keyboard.

I just bought an advent calendar: London edition. Every time you open your door, a chocolate hand tries to stab you.

It was lunch time at work so i left my desk for a few cigarettes. I came back and demolished 3 pizzas. My boss spots me and says "Oh wow Sandra, you've got the body of a Greek temple these days!" "What, like a sexy chiseled Goddess?" i blushed. "No." he grinned. "looks 2000 years old and falling apart from pollution you fat fuck"

**For Sale** Encyclopedia Britannica. 700 volumes with 5 million CD's. No longer needed as i just got married and the wife knows every fucking thing apparently.

I'm in the doghouse again tonight. It's shite being homeless.

My wife was feeling really down in the dumps and was crying. I put my arm around her and said in a soothing voice "Babe, i just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does." That should secure my hole for tonight.

A highly advanced Alien species visits Earth and demands to speak to the world's most powerful man. Donald Trump gets beamed aboard the intergalactic fusion ship. "So" asks Zorg, "is this an intelligent species?" Alphi looks puzzled. "The physics of that thing on his head are fucking with my advanced NeuroAI something rotten so I'm gonna say yes, this is a highly advanced being"

This is the old Sickipedia speaking. Pull your finger out of your HIV infested hoops and for once in your miserable lives make me belly laugh you cockless snowflake fucks.

I was at my Mother-in-laws funeral and had a chat with her son afterwards. "You don't know what you have until it's gone" he sobbed. "You just reminded me i need to buy toilet roll" i grinned.