Sickipedia

A scientist friend of mine said he was carrying out an experiment testing out the effects of beastiality on dogs. Apparently he's spent all day in the lab.

Amber Heard has announced she's given birth to twins. 'It's been a nightmare dealing with all the screaming and picking up all of the shit', said one of the babies.

According to a recent poll, the word 'cunt' is the UK's favourite swearword. It wasn't always number one, but its popularity has surged since Keir Starmer became Prime Minister.

I've started donating money to a charity that helps fund spinal cord operations for midgets. It's just my way of giving a little back.

I was horrified when my wife admitted she had an affair with a GP at our surgery who used to spunk over her feet. He wasn't her main doctor though, just a locum.

God: 'Norm!'

This morning I saw a large semi-aquatic rodent look rather nervous whilst preparing to take a shit. I think it was a Coypu.

Last night I was shagging a dyslexic girl called Lauren - She was unreal!

My neighbours weren't very happy when they found out I was hosting a lesbian orgy at my house. It set some tongues wagging.

Following on from the fencing joke, I've got a mate of mine who loves dueling. He even uses his sword to trim his pubes. I misunderstood him when he told me he was going to use an epee later.