Sickipedia

My missus is due a hysterectomy operation. The consultant rang and asked if there were any questions. I asked if he could retrieve my watch, wedding ring and two gold fillings I'd be very grateful...

Liverpool stole the points tonight mmmm....

My blind wife keeps asking why she feels she's being hounded all the time. I told her that it's because she's so fucking ugly and our Yorkshire Terrier has a cock twice the size of mine

My wife's finally had her hysterectomy, I've got my wedding ring, two gold fillings back but apparently the watch belongs to her dad. They used a Scouse surgeon because he was the best option to use keyhole and empty everything out in minutes. At least he's left an Echo.I feel sorry for the nurse who had to shave the hippos yawn... it was like Terry Waites allotment.

The missus has finally had her hysterectomy. I've got my two gold fillings back and my wedding ring... apparently the watch belongs to her dad. They used a Scouse surgeon because he's best qualified to use keyhole to go in and clear everything out quickly. I feel sorry for the nurse who had to shave the hippos yawn it was like Terry Waites allotment. At least he's left an Echo.

The chances of my Central London Nail Bar business surviving are slimmer than Karen Carpenters waist

I was abused as a child at cricket practice by ex Test Match Special commentator Henry Blow Felt

Being a fat cunt I've been told that I'm overdrawn at the Food Bank

I was arrested this morning for entering Tier 4 her parents are devastated...

The missus has bought me a new gadget for Christmas called G Spot Finder. Seems odd to me because I don't need it for her mum, sister or our two daughters...