Sickipedia

Ryan Giggs girlfriend walks into a bar... Well that's his story and he's sticking to it.

My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

A few months ago my budgie escaped from its cage and had sex with our dog. Anyone want some puppies going cheap?

A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks if he can say a word. "Of course", she replies. The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain". The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says, "Thank you so much, that means a great deal".

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay? One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

What's the difference between your dentist and a philosopher? Your dentist helps you solve molar dilemmas.

Dave: "My Dad says You're spying on us...!" Zuckerberg: "He's not your dad"

Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?” He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

Some people have platonic relationships. Me and my wife have a Socratic one. We argue all the time.

Tom Cruise has to self isolate after 14 people tested positive for covid. Tom is reportedly furious and the set director said "Fuck off Tom you cunt".