Sickipedia

Archie Battersbea 'fought until the end' says his mother. Pretty sure the lazy fucker just stayed in bed the whole time?

I've just been kicked out of the community BBQ and arrested. I misunderstood when my daughter said she wanted Daddy's Sauce in her buns.

I helped an old man cross the road today. I'm amazed he didn't come through the windscreen if I'm honest.

'I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh what a thing to do. 'Cause you were all yellow' In hindsight, I thing singing this song at the Malaysian Airlines 370 memorial gathering wasn't my greatest choice ever....

Whenever it's really hot outside, I love nothing more than walking around a cold room naked to cool down quickly. It did get me thrown out of Iceland though

I was always taught to stand up to bullies. I'm proud to say that's just what I did! Throwing her in the river was perhaps a bit much though.

I just hope that the black astronaut survives his trip to space. Last time a black guy died of oxygen starvation, we never fucking heard the end of it

When the Supremes did baby-love, they were added on the list of the most successful groups ever. When I did baby-love, I was added to a very different list.

‘New down syndrome Barbie doll released’. Surely an updated Mrs Potato Head would have been more appropriate?

I’ve just been sacked for masturbating at my desk. It’s fair enough I guess. It really put my year 8 students off their maths test.