Sickipedia

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick from a moose than a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs

Fuck, just heard there Jesy Nelson has left Littlemix.

I would never have believed 8 weeks of uncut hair would weigh over a stone, but if that's what the scales say, it must be right!

2 Men make a bet to see who can throw the most meat. The steaks were high.

Why does the river Clyde run through Glasgow? If it walked, it would get stabbed.

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender.

I went to see a gypsy women to have my future told As we were looking in the crystal ball she said solemnly, "it seems you won't be able to have children" at this I got up to leave and the crystal ball rolled of the table and crushed my testicles.

My wife holds grudges over the smallest things. She asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. Even after a few weeks, she's still not speaking to me.

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

What do Mr T and Jesse lingard have in common? Well they're both black and they ain't gettin on no plane!