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If you are Muslim terrorist, why going to Paradise is not as good as living in Bradford: Paradise: You will be shown your place in Paradise. Bradford: You will be shown your lovely new council house in Bradford. Paradise: You are spared the punishment of the grave. Bradford: You are spared the punishment of living in Pakistan. Paradise: On the day of judgment you will be spared. Bradford: You ain't gonna be bombed by a drone in West Yorkshire. Paradise: On your head will be a crown of dignity. Bradford: On your head will be Adidas knockoff hoodies. Paradise: You get seventy-two virgins. Bradford: OK, not virgins but you can have as many kids as you like in Rotherham. Paradise: You can intercede seventy of your relatives. Bradford: All your relatives can come to Bradford, including the cousin you've just married. Just turn up at the benefit office. Paradise: You get an eternal erection. Bradford: You are seen as one huge prick.
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